Creating Shared Meaning in Marriage

Marriage is a major milestone for many people. It marks the beginning of a lifelong partnership with the person they love most in the world. However, maintaining a healthy and happy relationship takes effort, patience, and dedication. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman shares techniques that can help couples build stronger, more meaningful marriages. One of the most significant techniques he explores is the creation of shared meaning. In this blog post, we will delve into the details of this technique and explore ways in which you can create shared meaning in your own marriage.

Understanding shared meaning

Shared meaning is the understanding a couple has developed about the world around them and their place in it. It includes their values, traditions, goals, and spirituality. To develop shared meaning, couples must work together to identify their beliefs and values. By doing this, they can create a shared vision of their future together, which can act as a source of motivation and inspiration.

Establishing rituals of connection

Rituals of connection are regular activities that couples engage in, which help them to connect with one another. Examples of such activities include date nights, regular conversations, and shared hobbies. Having rituals of connection helps to reinforce shared meaning, as it creates opportunities for couples to discuss their values, goals, and spirituality.

Identifying shared goals

One of the critical elements of shared meaning is the identification of shared goals. Couples must work together to identify their shared goals, whether it is something small, such as going on a vacation together, or something more significant, such as starting a family. Having shared goals helps to reinforce the couple's sense of connection and purpose.

Learning about each other's values

To create shared meaning, couples must learn about each other's values. This requires open communication and a willingness to understand each other's beliefs and perspectives. By learning about each other's values, couples can identify areas of overlap and develop a shared vision for their future.

Embracing differences

It is essential to recognize that every individual has their values and beliefs. In a marriage, it is not necessary for partners to agree on everything. Instead, they should work towards understanding and respecting each other's differences. Embracing differences can ultimately lead to better communication, deeper understanding, and stronger shared meaning.

Conclusion

Creating shared meaning is one of the critical techniques explored by John Gottman to strengthen marriages. By understanding the values, goals, and spirituality of your partner, you can create a shared vision of your future together. Establishing rituals of connection, identifying shared goals, learning about each other's values, and embracing differences are all critical steps to creating shared meaning. With patience and dedication, any couple can successfully create shared meaning and build a stronger, more meaningful marriage.