Gottman Therapy
Repair trust, reduce reactivity, and rebuild connection
I help couples in American Fork and across Utah County strengthen friendship, manage conflict, and restore trust using the Gottman Method and, when needed, I integrate Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) to quickly de-activate trauma triggers that fuel arguments, shutdown, or distance.
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is a research-based approach organized around the Sound Relationship House (friendship, trust, commitment, effective conflict management, shared meaning). It also teaches couples to recognize and replace the “Four Horsemen” communication patterns (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling) with healthier antidotes.
Committing ourselves to another individual for the rest of forever is one of the biggest and scariest decisions we can make. But, unfortunately, sometimes life gets in the way of that commitment, and for whatever reason, we begin to drift apart from our partner and feel like we’ve, to quote The Righteous Brothers, “lost that loving feeling.”
We know that relationships are complex and have many layers (like an onion or a parfait). I am here to help transform your relationship and help draw you closer to your partner. My goal is to help couples recognize personal and relational strengths and to assist both individuals in identifying the areas where improvement will be the most beneficial personally and within the relationship.
Both individuals bring a unique perspective as well as their talents into the relationship. This unique perspective helps shine a light on where the disconnect is personally and within the relationship.
Hope is what couples are looking for when they come in for marriage counseling; hope that the relationship is salvageable, hope that communication will increase, hope that they can rekindle the love they know is there. Hope is what the Gottman Method offers.
Why I use the Gottman Method?
I use the Gottman Method with all of our couples counseling. In using the Gottman Method, we help both individuals recognize what attracted them to their partner. I help partners increase healthy communication and understanding in their relationship, allowing the two of you to draw closer to one another. Couples will learn new tools that will increase their fondness for each other and strengthen their friendship. These tools will also help partners learn to increase respect, intimacy, and shared meanings within the relationship. All of this combined leads couples to reduce conflict. Couples can have difficult conversations in a much more productive way that ensures both are feeling heard and validated.
I have seen this method work wonders in the lives of my clients and my marriage! Even though I’m a therapist and someone who specializes in marital communication, I am not perfect. I still get it wrong sometimes, and I let my emotions and frustrations get the better of me, unfortunately, at my wife’s expense. I have, however, been able to use the Gottman Method to correct these situations quickly and efficiently! My wife and I have used various Gottman tools to truly listen to and validate each other’s perspectives and empathize with one another. We can bring up areas of concern gently rather than starting the conversation with attacks and criticism. We have been able to take breaks from arguments when we recognize that we are not getting anywhere in the discussion, and it is becoming more toxic and contentious. When we do come back to the conversation, after we have taken the time to cool off and practice some self-care, we can come to a resolution much more quickly than if we had stayed in the original contentious argument.
Why I Combine Gottman and ART
Sometimes conflict isn’t just about skills, it’s about body-level reactions tied to past experiences (betrayal, attachment wounds, trauma, intrusive images). ART uses guided eye movements and imagery rescripting to help the brain process distressing memories and sensations so they stop hijacking the moment. Many clients notice meaningful relief in ~1–5 sessions, which makes the Gottman work faster and gentler because the trigger itself is quieter.
When I use ART inside Couples Therapy
Betrayal/affair recovery: reduce flashbacks, images, and panic so repair work can stick.
Fight-flight-freeze during conflict: lower physiological reactivity so you can use Gottman tools in real time.
Sexual intimacy blocks / avoidance after painful events: calm fear responses and rewrite stuck images or conclusions.
Loss or grief affecting the relationship: process difficult imagery and intense emotion to make room for connection.
Ready to Begin?
Serving American Fork, Lehi, Highland, Alpine, Pleasant Grove, and Saratoga Springs.
Call/Text: 801-210-9147 • Email: matthew@benavidezlmft.com • Contact to schedule a consult.