How to fight fair in your relationship

Fighting fair is one of the most important skills that you can learn in your relationship. If you can't communicate effectively and resolve conflicts peacefully, your relationship is headed for disaster. In this blog post, we will discuss some tips on how to fight fair. We will also talk about the benefits of doing so, and how it can help improve your relationship!

Understand your and your partner's conflict style

Most of us have a tendency to lean toward one of five conflict styles: withdrawing, yielding, dominating, compromising, or problem-solving. However, in order for relationships to be productive, it is important to be aware of all five styles and to be able to flexibly use each one as needed. Withdrawing is when we avoid conflict altogether by either leaving the conversation or becoming emotionally distant. Yielding is when we give in to our partner's demands without really considering our own needs. Dominating is when we try to win at all costs, often steamrolling over our partner's concerns. Compromising is when we meet in the middle, sacrificing some of our own needs in order to come to an agreement. And finally, problem-solving is when we work together to find a solution that meets both of our needs. If you want to fight fair in your relationship, it's important to understand your own conflict style, as well as your partner's so that you can find a way to resolve conflicts in a way that works

Use "I" statements to communicate your feelings

Another way to fight fair is to use "I" statements. When you use "I" statements, you're communicating your feelings in a way that doesn't attack your partner or put them on the defensive. For example, instead of saying "You never listen to me," you could say "I feel like I'm not being heard." This kind of statement expresses how you feel without making your partner feel accused or attacking them. If you're not used to using "I" statements, it can take some practice. But making this small change in how you communicate can make a big difference in how effective your arguments are and how well you're able to resolve conflict.

Avoid the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are four behaviors that can predict the failure of a relationship. They are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. If you can avoid these behaviors, you will be more likely to have a successful relationship.

Criticism

Criticism is when you attack your partner's character, rather than their behavior. For example, "you're so lazy" is a criticism, whereas "I was really upset when you didn't help with the dishes" is not. Criticism will only make your partner defensive and less likely to want to help in the future.

Contempt

Contempt is when you express disdain for your partner. This can be through eye-rolling, name-calling, or any other type of mockery. It's important to remember that contempt is different from humor; it's designed to hurt and belittle your partner. Contempt is poisonous to a relationship and should be avoided at all costs.

Defensiveness

Defensiveness is when you react to your partner's criticisms with excuses or blame. For example, "I didn't do the dishes because I was tired from work". This kind of reaction will only make things worse, as it sounds like you're trying to justify your behavior rather than taking accountability.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling is when one partner consistently ignores or dismisses the other partner's attempts to resolve conflict. Stonewalling is often a sign that one or both partners have lost interest in the relationship and have begun to withdraw emotionally. If left unchecked, it can eventually lead to the breakdown of the relationship.

Stay calm and constructive during arguments

All couples fight. It’s inevitable. But it’s how you fight that determines whether your relationship will thrives or dies. The first step to fighting fair is to stay calm. If you can keep your emotions in check, you’ll be more likely to listen to what your partner has to say and less likely to say things you’ll regret later. The second step is to be constructive, not destructive. This means focusing on the problem at hand, not attacking your partner’s character. Finally, remember that compromise is key. Both partners need to feel like they’ve won in order for the relationship to move forward. By following these simple steps, you can ensure that your next argument is a productive one.

Seek resolution, not victory

Resolving conflict in a relationship can be difficult, but it's important to remember that the goal should be resolution, not victory. In other words, both parties should feel like they've been heard and that their concerns have been taken into account. That doesn't mean that every disagreement has to end in a 50/50 split, but it does mean that each person should feel like they've had a chance to express themselves fully. Fighting fair also means avoiding using damaging tactics like name-calling or making personal attacks. These kinds of behaviors can escalate a disagreement quickly and make it difficult to come to a resolution. Instead, focus on staying calm and constructive as you work towards finding a solution that works for both of you.

Conclusion

If you and your partner can learn to understand each other’s conflict styles, stay calm and constructive during arguments, and seek resolution instead of victory, you’ll be well on your way to fighting fair. By avoiding the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, you can keep your disagreements from turning into full-blown fights that damage your relationship. Implementing these tips may not be easy, but they could make all the difference in keeping your love strong for years to come.