Recognizing Bids of Connection in Your Relationship
Occasionally, we sometimes find ourselves feeling dismissed or disregarded by our partners, even though they may not intend to hurt us. Sometimes, we may not even recognize what's at the root of our frustration and disconnection. At times like these, it's essential to learn how to recognize and respond to "bids of connection," a concept coined by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, internationally recognized experts on relationships. In this post, we'll take a closer look at what bids of connection are, how to recognize them, and how to respond in ways that nurture and strengthen your relationship.
What Are Bids of Connection?
Bids of connection are attempts by one partner to connect emotionally with the other. These can take many forms, such as a comment, a question, a touch, a smile, or even a look. While these may seem like tiny gestures, they can contribute significantly to building and maintaining a strong relationship. When you respond to a bid of connection positively, you're creating a positive climate of interactions that sets the tone for your relationship.
How to Recognize Bids of Connection
Bids of connection may not always be easy to notice at first, but once you're aware of them, you'll see them everywhere. Some examples of bids of connection that may come up in your relationship include:
Your partner asking you a question about something that matters to you
Your partner sharing something about their day or something that's been on their mind
Your partner making a playful comment or teasing you gently
Being mindful and present in your interactions with your partner will help you notice these bids as they happen. It's also essential to pay attention to your partner's body language and tone of voice. A bid of connection may be disguised by a sarcastic remark or an expression that seems annoyed, but with a little effort, you can learn to recognize the true meaning behind those gestures.
How to Respond To Bids of Connection
Responding to bids of connection is one of the essential building blocks of a healthy relationship. When you respond positively to a bid of connection, you're sending a message to your partner that you care about them, and you're willing to engage with them emotionally. Here are a few ways to respond to bids of connection:
Acknowledge what your partner said, even if it seems trivial or insignificant to you. This shows that you're attentive and listening.
Respond with empathy, by showing that you understand how your partner feels or by offering support.
Express affection, by hugging, touching, or saying something loving to your partner.
How Bids of Connection Can Transform Your Relationship
When you and your partner start recognizing and responding to bids of connection positively, you'll be building a strong foundation for your relationship that will help you weather any storm. You'll feel more emotionally connected to each other, more understanding, and more supportive. Moreover, you'll create a positive feedback loop that will lead to more bids of connection and more positive interactions. You'll find that you're more in tune with each other's needs, and you'll be better able to communicate with each other about anything that comes up.
Conclusion
Recognizing and responding to bids of connection might seem like a small thing, but it's essential for building and maintaining a healthy relationship. Once you learn to recognize these subtle gestures and respond positively to them, you'll find that your relationship is more fulfilling, more joyful, and more meaningful. So next time your partner makes a bid of connection, don't dismiss it or brush it off - respond with love, empathy, and understanding. Your relationship will thank you for it.
