Seven Principals for Making Marriage Work: A Must-Know for anyone in a Committed Relationship

Marriage is one of the most beautiful relationships in the world. It brings two souls together, shared joys and sorrows, and the creation of a lifetime bond. But as much as marriage is beautiful, it can be equally challenging at times. It requires hard work, commitment, and diligence from both partners. Fortunately, John Gottman understands marriages and what it takes to make them work. His book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, is a tried and tested guide that has helped thousands of couples to have a successful marriage. In this blog post, we will discuss the seven principles outlined in Gottman's book that you need to know.

Cultivate Love Maps

In this principle, Gottman talks about building a deep understanding of your partner's dreams, fears, likes, and dislikes. To do this, you need to be interested in your partner's life and actively listen to what they have to say, even if it's not directly concerning you.

Nurture Fondness and Admiration

As humans, we naturally focus on our partner's negative traits rather than their positive ones. Gottman suggests that it is important to focus on your partner's strengths and admire them for who they are. This helps to strengthen the emotional connection between both partners.

Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away

This principle is about the little things that matter in a relationship. It's about turning towards your partner when they reach out to you, instead of ignoring them. Small acts such as showing interest, offering a hug or a kiss, taking an interest in what your partner is saying, or offering help can significantly improve your relationship.

Let your partner influence you

Gottman stresses the importance of accepting your partner's influence. This means that you are open to your partner's opinions and take them seriously. It is the key to a healthy relationship where both partners feel heard and respected.

Solve Solvable Conflicts

Every relationship experiences conflicts, but the way you handle them determines your relationship's strength. Solvable conflicts are those that have a solution and can be solved through communication and cooperation from both parties. It is essential to resolve these issues before they become bigger and harder to solve.

Overcome Gridlock

Gridlock conflicts are issues that couples cannot seem to resolve. Gottman suggests that in such situations, each partner should explore their deeper feelings and values to find common ground. Sometimes, acknowledging how important an issue is can be enough to lessen the conflict's hold over the relationship.

Create Shared Meaning

Shared meaning is about creating a sense of shared purpose and goals that bind a couple together. It can be created by sharing common interests, traditions, rituals, and values that you both believe in. These shared meanings can help keep your relationship strong and stable.

Conclusion

The seven principles outlined in John Gottman's book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, are a tried and tested guide that can help any couple create a strong and lasting bond. As someone in a committed relationship, it’s essential to understand these principles and put them into practice. From cultivating love maps to creating shared meaning, these principles offer practical solutions to the challenges that every couple faces in their marriage. Remember, every relationship requires effort, commitment, and hard work, but practicing these seven principles can help you create a lasting bond with your partner